Mother’s Day Without a Mum and as a Mum

Mother’s Day is quite an odd one for me. This will be the seventeenth one without my mum being around. After this period of time I don’t get really melancholy about it, and on the one hand it passes me by; I delete all of the ‘treat mum’ emails, ignore the massive commercial onslaught and don’t spend time planning any special Mother’s Day events and activities.

Mother’s Day for the first couple of years after mum died were probably quite different and I’m sure I found it difficult, but now I struggle to remember what it was like. I also struggle to remember what we did do for Mother’s Day when she was around and indeed what we used to do generally. Whilst I remember specific stories and events such as holidays, I’m really hazy about what we used to do day-to-day and about the more mundane things. I think my dwindling recollections are what make me particularly sad.

I had just turned 21 when she died and was at university so it was my third year away from home. Living 150 miles away on campus since the age of 18 meant we very seldom got the opportunity to go out just the two of us to share a bite to eat, a bottle of wine and an uninterrupted chat; a fact I really lament. I am probably saddest about the fact that I missed out almost completely on having an adult relationship with my mum (we’d just started to have this when I returned from uni in the holidays), and that she wasn’t here when my children were born.

Mother’s Day as a Mum

On the other hand, Mother’s Day doesn’t pass me by at all. My daughters get so excited and I love their enthusiasm for doing something nice for me and making me happy. There is a frenzy of card making, and lots of whispering amongst themselves and with daddy. It reminds me of my own childhood excitement about the day, my purchases of random tat for my mum and how I always thought I’d hidden things really well when in fact I hadn’t.

Mother’s Day is a happy day for me now, but it does make me reflect a lot on my own lost relationship. It can be a really difficult time for many. There are those that have recently lost their mum, those that have lost a child and those that long to be a mum but can’t.