Back to school and the mental load

The end of the suspension of reality that comes post-holiday is pretty tough – and it isn’t just the return to work. There’s the mental adjustment as the fluid carefree days begin to make way for routines, and eating out and having picnics is replaced with cooking day in, day out. There’s the food shopping, cleaning and laundry; the admin that took a backseat is suddenly top of the to do pile. Then there’s catching up with personal correspondence/social media. Whilst a whole year WhatsApp group chat is very useful, I do find it stressful when it’s pinging off the hook!

The to do list

• Buying all the uniform for a new school and ensuring it has the correct house colour trim (of course my twins are in different houses!)
• New school bags suitable for ‘big school’
• Buying PE bags
• New school shoes – grappling with sizes being out of stock
• New PE trainers
• Buying new stationery items and maths equipment that wasn’t needed at junior school
• Replenishing other stationery equipment
• Uniform labelling (and labelling everything else)
• Ensuring they have a reading book they enjoy for the first day back
• Making sure all homework and ‘voluntary tasks’ have been completed
• Signing up for clubs both school and external
• Checking new timetable

Preventing back to school burnout

Whilst nothing can prevent the back to school burnout totally, there are a few things that I find alleviate it. Breaking down the whole to do list into smaller chunks and tackling tasks individually definitely helps. For example, a morning of shoe/trainer shopping. For me it pays to start early and tick a few things off for a psychological boost.

File all school emails together so you can quickly and easily refer back. Also write down all dates mentioned in emails as soon as possible on a wall calendar. I find that with so much going on if I don’t do this quickly, it slips my mind!

Get the kids back to their normal ‘term time’ bedtime routine three days before the start of term and make sure us parents get a few earlier nights: tiredness never helps anyone!

Meal plan for the week ahead and do a big food shop before they go back. This removes a lot of last minute stress and saves lots of trips to the supermarket.
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Good to luck to all the children (and parents) for next week!

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Initial homeschooling experiences

Tasks and Timetable

Every morning so far we’ve started the ‘school day’ with Joe Wicks. It’s a great aid for setting a routine, but I must confess I’ve had achy glutes since day two!

School sent over a good variety of tasks (for a two week period) across the subjects. It also provided a suggested timetable, which balances up academic, creative, exercise, electronic and quiet time. I’ve found the girls definitely need structure for the day. We don’t follow it religiously or have a stopwatch on but it gives a good framework.

We pick a few activities per day and then put them up on our little whiteboard. Additionally, reading time happens every day.

Lay the foundations

My three don’t need constant supervision, but I have to spend a decent amount of time at the start of a new activity to go through it properly. Rushing this bit is a false economy and results in being interrupted with questions every five minutes! It’s best to spend 15 minutes giving a good explanation, examples and discuss ideas ahead of a new task.

My 8-year-olds can work independently for about 30-45 minutes and my 11-year-old often works well over an hour without needing my input.

Be flexible

I think I was a bit too authoritarian on the first two days, so have lightened up since then. However, they still get a lot done. We try to mix it up as much as possible. My eldest’s tasks are usually more in-depth so she often completes less things in a day but produces a lot of work. We tweak the timetable to accommodate this.

I’ve started adapting activities so to they incorporate things that they’re particularly interested in. They are far more enthusiastic if something is relatable. Similarly, I’ve got them to ‘plan the holiday.’ I asked them to come up with ideas for things we can do over an Easter holiday where we can’t have visitors and have to stay in the confines of house and garden. They’ve come up with a lot of suggestions!

Free time during the day

We include a number of breaks/free time where they play a game, use devices, read, play outside etc. Again, I was quite rigid on when free time was at the start, but now I let it happen naturally when someone has finished something or if concentration is on the wane.

Not getting bogged down

I’ve been sent lots of different homeschooling resources from all quarters, which is great. However, I started to feel a bit overwhelmed. I’ve come to terms with the fact that we can’t do everything and I’m being more selective.

Marking and feedback

We’ve been looking at the work they produce together and I’ve been marking it. I don’t want them to think they’re doing stuff for nothing and it doesn’t have any value. Maria and Gabby – who are eight – have even been putting their own learning objective at the start of their work and then asking me if it’s an ‘LO met’ or ‘LO met plus’! I’ve not done this as I’m not qualified to judge but I have been giving feedback and making corrections. I’ve also been dispensing the all-important team points.

Hobbies and leisure

The girls all love netball and we have a great post in the garden so we’re really encouraging this (not that they need encouraging). We’re quite a games-y family anyway and love playing card and board games. We’ve just taught them poker and they are now obsessed.

We’ve upped our game show quota; House of Games is a new regular.

I’ve been taking more photos than usual (with my Fuji Instax Mini 90) and the girls are documenting their days in a journal and using my photos.

Zoom, FaceTime, Houseparty and WhatsApp

You can’t underestimate the social aspect of school. To fill this void, the girls are having plenty of scheduled chats with their friends. I think it’s really important for their mental well-being as it’s such a morale boost. As well as chatting, they’ve also been playing games with each other on these apps.

Final thoughts

Homeschooling is a balancing act and can be tough (though no one’s been bored yet!). It’s been great to actually have such input in what they’re learning and be able to specifically focus on anything they want further help with or practice on.

We’ve discovered that necessity is the mother of invention and we’ve all come up with new ways of learning and creating entertainment.

I won’t lie though, I will be happy when they’re back at school.

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Secondary School

It wasn’t that I made decisions lightly before, but all of a sudden there feels a whole new gravitas; secondary school really determines their future (or does it?). All of a sudden it’ll be ‘choosing options’, mocks and then GCSEs plus the general journey of moulding a young adult.

It’s been weighing heavy.

Grammar Schools

I’ve never had a burning ambition to send my children to a grammar school and there are aspects of the grammar school/selective system that I fundamentally disagree with. However, when we discovered we were realistically only in the catchment area for one school, which wasn’t a particularly well-performing one, I thought it was something I needed to consider just to give more options. I felt it was my ‘duty’ not to just go for the easy option. The aforementioned is the easiest option due to proximity and the fact my daughter wants to go there as many of her friends will be going there.

Tutoring

In the interests of keeping our options open, we got my daughter a tutor. This wasn’t hothousing, it was just an hour a week (alternating between maths and English) for a year to get her used to some of the skills required for the 11+ /common entrance and to practise some papers. We did find she encountered quite a few topics, which hadn’t been covered at school.

We only did an hour of tutoring a week as I felt if she needed more than that, then grammar school wasn’t the right thing for her.

The journey so far  

I had a very negative perception of our local non-selective secondary school mainly based on league tables. Sofia and I went to its open day whilst she was in year five (a year early) and I have to admit I found the pupils all lovely and really engaged (half the entire school was on show not just a couple of cherrypicked students) and the new head, who had been at the helm for eight months, was dynamic, enthusiastic and charismatic (more so than the heads of the grammar schools I’ve subsequently been to). I’ve also been impressed by the school’s use of social media to communicate with its pupils; linking news articles to specific things they are covering on the curriculum. I also spoke to people who had children at the school and guess what? They all loved it and said their kids were thriving there. T

What now?

Sofia’s done the first common entrance. We’ve told her, and strongly believe ourselves, that it isn’t the be-all and end-all if she doesn’t pass. However, if she does well, there’ll be a further exam. What I do know is, she’d much rather be a big fish in a smaller pond. If she felt she was off the pace in a selective school it would completely dent her confidence and I can see her getting totally dispirited instead of being spurred on to attain more. What I certainly don’t want is to get onto a programme of constant tutoring to compete.   

I’m a strong believer that the best course is the one that makes you happiest and as her current form teacher has said “she’ll do well wherever she goes.”

You may also like…

Being the New Girl – Starting School

Starting School: Part 2

Should Twins be Separated at School?

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Here are a few things I’ve picked up when buying school uniform, especially for the first time.

• Buy short-sleeved shirts – Even for winter, buy short-sleeved as opposed to long. Children seem to prefer no cuffs as they are more ‘free’ and there are no fiddly buttons. I prefer them as cuffs always get filthy and never come properly clean again. Short sleeved means that often you can get two day’s wear out of the same shirt

• Velcro fastening/riptape collar shirts – No fiddly top button to negotiate. Marks and Spencer do velcro instead of a top button on shirts for children up to the age of 8

• Two pairs of trousers or two pinafores is enough for the week – However, I’ve found that my girls need four summer dresses for the Summer term (they show up dirt more!)

• Pinafore instead of a skirt – For girls, buy pinafores. They keep everything in place (no untucked shirts, which happens instantly with the skirts) and helps avoid canteen medallions on the shirt so you can often get two days wear out of the same shirt

• Invest in heavier duty sturdy school shoes –  The far cheaper supermarket ones are very appealing, but they don’t last. They are however a good stopgap if your child has a sudden growth spurt and needs another pair but the timing is wrong for buying the ‘main’ pair. Startrite are a really good fit and very durable.

• Buy velcro-fastening shoes – Much faster in the mornings and much easier for them to get changed for PE

• When to buy school shoes – It might be tempting to get the shoes bought nice and early, but leave buying until the last minute. Childrens’ feet have a habit of growing fast in summer! New school starters will be back at school a week or two after the other children, so these in-between weeks are a great time to go as it’ll have quietened down in the shops
• Plimsoles – You can definitely buy cheaper plimsoles. They get such light use in the first couple of years that it’s pointless buying expensive ones
• Labels – Labelling uniform is essential. If, like me, you can’t be doing with sew on labels, invest in good iron on ones.

Please share any more top tips you have below…

You might also like: https://www.theparentsocial.com/starting-school-part-2/ 

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My School Fears and Guilt

Once again I’m starting to worry that somehow I haven’t done enough with them during the carefree time and short hours of pre-school. However, I’m mainly feeling a bit guilty that I’m rather looking forward to having all three at school.

I currently cram my freelance work into the hours that M&G are at pre-school. Come September, I won’t be constantly working against the clock. This will be a great relief and good for my sanity. Also, I won’t have to drag them to the supermarket; I’ll have the time to do it when they’re out at school. Doing the food shop solo will be a real luxury (for all of us). I’ll be able to prep dinner so that we’re not rushing about in the evening. I’ll also be able to get more house stuff done without having to neglect anyone. I might finally have time to go to a dental appointment or, shock horror, be able to get my hair cut during the week.

I hope it might make me a calmer mum. Currently most of my time right now is spent feeling really stressed as I rush so that I can get work done and fit everything else in. To give an example, if the girls are walking back slowly after pre-school I’ll cajole them so that I can get back home quicker to check emails etc. Maybe, come September, we’ll be able to stop and smell the flowers more. I envisage that we’ll have more quality time together as I won’t be fussing that I have to do x, y and z in a really narrow window.

Splitting up twins at school

We’ve decided to put M&G in different classes at school. I believe it will provide the opportunity for them to develop independently and find their own paths (read more here: Should twins be separated at school?).

Currently they spend pretty much every waking moment together, so I think it will do them a lot of good emotionally and socially. They know the school very well because of big sis, so I don’t think they’ll find it at all daunting. I also think if they’re in the same class it’s too easy to make comparisons, which is unfair; especially as one seems to be quite a bit more academic than the other. It’s going to be a bit of a logistical nightmare. There’ll be twice as many concert performances to go to and curriculum meetings to attend. I’m also trying not to think about just how many childrens’ parties they’ll be invited to!

I think it’s going to be a bit of an adventure for all of us…

The post Starting School: Part 2 appeared first on The Parent Social.

Term time absences

My husband and I have hugely differing views about this. I categorically would not take my daughter out of school for the purpose of going on holiday. My husband thinks taking a child out of school during term time is an absolute no-brainer. I totally get why people do it and why he has this view. For the sake of shifting the departure date by a week savings can run into £100s of pounds for a family. Obviously that’s very appealing and a £60 fine is no deterrent at all in this scenario. I absolutely deplore the travel industry for creating this situation and realise that sky-high costs during school holidays can be a barrier to many.

I have never wanted to take my seven-year-old daughter out of school for even a day (obviously I would if there were extenuating circumstances). She takes her attendance at school very seriously and really wouldn’t want to miss a day. I think her consistent attendance has contributed significantly to her attainment in general. I also know how many new things she learns in the course of a week. I think it’d be really disruptive to her learning and unsettling for her on a social level to take her out term time for a whole week.

I don’t really buy the argument that the main reason for pulling kids out of school for holidays is that they form an integral part of their learning. Whilst our holidays usually do contain a fair amount of culture, the primary reason for going is just to have fun and chill out as a family; I’m sure this is everyone’s main motivation.

Teacher absence

Let’s turn it around… Teachers are similarly constrained and have to take their holidays out of term time. Imagine if a child’s teacher absconded for a week. Parents would be up in arms and would say that a week’s absence would seriously impact their child’s learning.

Teachers work hard enough as it is, do they really need the extra burden of getting children that have missed a week back up to speed?

Could there be a solution?

For me, the key is to make it as difficult for the travel industry as possible. Could different counties stagger their holidays? I know a number of schools in Nottinghamshire whose Easter 2016 holiday deviated quite a bit from ours in Surrey. Could this be rolled out further? Or could the lead be taken from the South Wales school, which used all five of its inset days consecutively to create an additional week holiday?

The post Holidays in Term Time appeared first on The Parent Social.

Sofia had her first school photo taken a few weeks ago. It felt like quite a milestone. I have strong memories of my school pictures being displayed with pride, and copies being sent to relatives home and abroad.

Then yesterday, the single proof arrived along with the order form for various different packs including the all singing, all dancing MEGA Pack boasting two 10″x8 colour photos, one 10″x8 black and white photo, three 8″x6″ versions and two 6″x4″s. Wow!

The school photo arrives

However, shock horror, the photo is not very good.

It’s not awful, it’s just the usually photogenic Sofia is really grimacing as opposed to smiling and looks a little psychotic. She’s obviously going really overboard with the ‘cheese’ (or ‘smelly socks’ I think it might have been) and it’s the most unnatural pose ever. Obviously I’m blaming the photographer.

Anyone who reads this blog knows that I’m all for recording milestones and preserving memories and I think first school photo is a major one. However, with so many lovely photos of her in my possession, I really don’t want one where she looks – I hate to say it – a bit weird. The problem is I’d just feel terrible not buying one at all and consigning my daughter’s photo to the cutting room floor.

Here’s one I prepared earlier

I mentioned my quandary on Facebook and got quite a response. I’m not alone it seems; there were quite a few other bloopers out there with mums experiencing the same dilemma. Most said – like me – that they felt they needed to buy one even if it remained hidden away. It’s a memory all the same, and as some mums pointed out, it can be used for bribery and blackmail purposes in later life.

I won’t be getting the MEGA Pack, but will be opting for the entry level order that can be tucked safely away in the draw: a recorded, but not displayed milestone.

The post School photo: The dilemma appeared first on The Parent Social.

Children are very clever. If you have a set time where you invite your child to the table to get on with some homework or reading, most likely you will get a very negative reaction. Children have something I call the ‘homework hunch’…they know it’s coming and they avoid it at any cost. Homework should be done with absolute concentration and by the end of this article if I can help your child enjoy their homework time then it is a win-win situation.

Aiming to make homework a little less like this…

Advice and tips on how to get your child to benefit from their homework time

• Try not to have a set time where you ask your child to get on with some work. When I had set times for my two kids I realised they avoided me and even got into a bad mood long before I called them. When you can give your child some time ask them over without arousing their suspicions. This is more likely to get them used to the idea without them leaving their concentration behind. It worked a treat with my two children as I noticed that the mood swings decreased and their concentration levels allowed them to enjoy what they were doing. So, next time take them by surprise!

• Let your child choose what he/she would like to do. Don’t push them to do the maths homework or the reading assignment as it will drive them away from these activities. Get them to decide from a list and then once complete be sure to tick it off in front of them to avoid him/her asking to do the same thing twice. This is a sure winner when you want to get your child to have some fun when digging through the homework pile.

• Never offer incentives. This is the worst thing that any parent could do…they will always want something in exchange for a very long time! When my daughter wouldn’t concentrate on her homework I was at the end of my tether and offered her a chocolate if she completed her reading. From then on she expected a chocolate and refused to start any work unless I gave her something. This habit took a long time to break; it was filled with tantrums, stubbornness and lack of concentration. Rewarding them once in a while for their good homework commitment is acceptable and works with you rather than against.

• Keep them interested. Sometimes visiting museums or buying them a new book on a homework topic rather than dumping them in front of a computer screen can make a huge difference. When my son was given a research assignment on Roman history I decided to take him to a local museum where they had some great relics and information on the Romans. Not only this but I encouraged him to talk to some museum staff members and as I watched him it dawned on me that he was really enjoying his homework task. Safe to say his teacher was quite impressed when he handed it in!

and a bit more like this.

So, if you fear your child’s homework ‘hunch’ then try out the above tips. It can make a huge difference to your child’s homework performance…it may even shrink their homework ‘hunch’ a little!

Author Bio:

Former British Airways cabin crew member, Karen Rayner currently lives in Warwick with her husband and two children, Charlotte and Jack. She is the founder of Childrens Funky Furniture, an online furniture store which provides imaginative and creative furniture items that appeal to young children. Karen also writes extensively about how to create artistic and vibrant bedrooms that children can relate to and enjoy. You can follow Karen on Google Plus, Twitter and Facebook.

The post How to Make Homework Time Easier appeared first on The Parent Social.

Starting school

My husband Matt took the day off work, and as it was a 9.45am start we had a leisurely breakfast before I went upstairs and helped get Sofia into her uniform: a real rite of passage.  We came back down and had a little photo shoot (obviously I did the obligatory posting onto Facebook).

The five of us went up to the school and were personally greeted by the Deputy Head a couple of minutes early (we were a little eager!). I hadn’t realised that each child had a designated slot, so it was a nice surprise to have this time dedicated to us. We were escorted to the cloakroom, given a run through of what she needed to do and were then taken to Sofia’s class and delivered to her teacher. Sofia’s teacher immediately introduced her to the morning routine, had a few comforting words to say to us, and then that was it, we said goodbye. It was a slick operation but carried out in a very compassionate manner.  I had absolutely no worries about leaving her.

First morning

The four of us then headed straight off to go and check out a venue for Sofia’s next birthday party. Her birthday isn’t until December, but last year taught me that forward planning is key Planning a child’s birthday party.

We had to run a few errands so didn’t bother going back home as it was a 12pm pick up.  In no time at all we were on our way back to collect her.

Semi-disaster struck; we were five minutes from the school at a very busy crossroads and the traffic lights were out. It was chaos. I ended up queued outside of the classroom door at 12.02pm. The children were still coming out one by one as I got there so Sofia wasn’t sat on her own. However, she was the last one to be collected #FAIL. I felt really terrible. Matt thought I was insane.

Second day

We needed to be at the school for 8.50am. Once again it was a 12pm pick up, so a nice gentle start. My dad’s been brilliant. He comes over in the mornings to sit with the twins whilst I walk Sofia to school. It takes a lot of the stress out of it.

However, I still seemed to panic on Monday morning. There was no designated slot, going in via the office in our little bubble for a lovely meet and greet. Instead it was the bun fight of the school run. I didn’t know what gate to queue up at and what the protocol was. I was stressing so much that we left very early. We were second out of the entire school at the gate. I asked the lady in front what the procedure was. She was with her grandson and had no idea. A kindly mum behind overheard and said that the other gate was best for Sofia’s class. Phew. I knew what we were doing and no longer felt like the ‘new girl’.

At 8.50am someone came out and unlocked the gate. There was a semblance of politeness. However, we were all chomping at the bit to get in and to the cloakroom. It was pandemonium. I looked at the narrow, single door opening and breathed a massive sigh of relief that I didn’t have the double buggy with me.

Three days in

I’m actually feeling slightly overawed and it’s not about Sofia settling in; she’s taken to it like the proverbial duck.

I didn’t get the memo about bringing in photos from their summer holidays, so I did emergency printouts and then spent an evening labelling and sticky back plastic-ing.

On Sofia’s first day, I received a letter about the first PTA meeting, which is this Thursday, and another letter about Jeans for Genes day this Friday (must remember no uniform). Then there’s a reading meeting next week.

Today I received the September newsletter, which includes all of the important dates for the Autumn term and is two pages long: meetings, assemblies, quiz nights, costumes to be made, harvest festival; and don’t even get started on the Christmas activities. I’ve just spent over half an hour putting everything on the calendar. Then there was the NHS questionnaire.

My head is spinning!

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