10 Reasons to Be Thankful You’re Not a Royal Mother

1) You didn’t have people from all over the world and the UK’s media camped outside the hospital on ‘womb watch’ for days/weeks before your arrival.

2) You didn’t have to contemplate what designer dress you would wear on leaving hospital hours after giving birth and consider whether your choice would be well-received or slated. Your biggest style dilemma was probably whether to dress your – still very noticeable – bump in over- or under-the-bump leggings

3) Ok, being preened by others so you look wonderful sounds nice on the face of it, but would you really want people fussing about blowdrying your hair, applying your make up for ages and squeezing your still swollen feet into heeled shoes? A quick flash of a mascara wand, a touch of Touche éclat under the eyes and a bit of lippy = job done in two minutes and then out of there

4) You didn’t have a photo call 12 hours after giving birth, with the pictures ending up in every UK paper and around the world. You probably had a few private snapshots, which you may have shared on Facebook if you were feeling particularly brave. You certainly didn’t care about whether you had a VMPL (Visible Maternity Panty Line)

5) You weren’t constrained by tradition when it came to name choices for your baby. Let’s face it, she was never going to be Princess Daiquiri or Princess Audi (both appeared on the list of unusual baby names 2014)

6) The world and its wife didn’t debate about your naming decision let alone run a book on it. Although family and friends may or may not have ‘discussed it’ in private

7) You didn’t have to prepare for The Queen coming over when your baby was three days old. The Telegraph is streaming live updates on this and also includes this useful counter… WHAT ON EARTH?

8) You didn’t have to get your boobs out in front of ma’am and her entourage

9)  You weren’t touted as a potential ‘Breastfeeding Ambassador’

10) You could be yourself