Schools may have a preferred policy, but it is ultimately the parents’ decision and you should be consulted. Twins Trust says: “Schools should not have a blanket policy recommending separation or keeping the children together in the same class.” However, it can be a grey area. If things don’t go your way you can appeal.

Separating twins: The pros

• Gain more independence
• Greater opportunity to develop individual friendship groups
• Develops their individual personalities
• Makes it more difficult to make comparisons
• Can develop at their own pace
• Less potential for rivalry

Separating twins: The cons

• It might lead to distress and anxiety
• Can be overwhelming
• Less convenient (Different points of contact within school, activities on different days, multiple pick ups)

Together: The pros

• Can be a readymade playmate
• Provide each other with moral support
• Can help with settling in
• More convenient (one point of contact, activities on the same day, one pick up)

Together: The cons

• Could be difficult to split them up later on
• Lack of independence
• Not as easy to form different friendship groups
• Easier for comparisons to be made
• Loss of identity – easier to be branded ‘the twins’ when in the same class (although this can and does still happen in separate classes)
• One twin can become over reliant on the other/one twin can dominate
• Can distract each other

Separated, but still get to have their school photo together!

Our experience of separating our non-ID twins

My husband and I discussed what we’d do before we applied for infant school. We quickly agreed we’d separate them. They differ a little academically and substantially in character. One tended to dominate a bit more at pre-school.

We wanted them to develop their individual personalities and their own friendship groups, and didn’t want direct comparisons (teachers wouldn’t do this deliberately, but I know how easily it happens). As Maria and Gabby were already familiar with the school because of their big sister, I felt it gave them the extra confidence to ‘go it alone.’

We were very lucky as the school approached me early on and asked what we wanted to do. They didn’t try to influence us at all, but I think were happy with our choice.

We talked to our twins beforehand to make sure they were happy to be separated. They were fine from the outset. There’re plenty of opportunities for them to interact at school and they soon realised this (they also do after school clubs together). Although they initially gravitated towards each other at play time, they quickly made their own friends. They’re now in year one and continue to love it.

They love telling me about their different days; there’s no jealousy because someone told me first. Also, they genuinely like to hear about the others’ experiences.

It’s challenging keeping on top of which class is doing what. There’s double the class bake sales, one needs to take something in one day, the other on a different day. Sometimes the same school trip is on different days. Also, class meetings happen simultaneously so I have to decide which one to go to (I alternate). I get confused about which friends are in which classes, especially when they mix up the classes each year.

Birthday parties

I think the biggest issue we encountered was the first time one got invited to a class party and the other didn’t. It was a steep learning curve. However, now they understand that they don’t always both get invited to the same party and it pretty much evens out in the end.

Parties are insane. We said they could have one all-class party. Obviously that’s two classes though so the potential for 60 kids. Thankfully it turned out to be a ‘modest’ 45!?! This year will be close friends!

Finally…

You can have all the pros and cons laid out, but you know your children best so follow your gut! The most important thing is that they enjoy school.

• Twins Trust provides many useful resources on the subject: https://twinstrust.org/let-us-help/parenting/primary.html

You might also like: 16 Things You Are Likely to Hear When You Have Twins 

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The uniqueness of multiples

Having two children very close in age is NOT the same as having twins. I’m not saying that a small age gap between siblings isn’t tough, it just isn’t the same as having multiples.

Multiples and night feeds

Having two babies at the same time is a rather unique situation and I’m not just talking about the birth. There’s the night feeds – three/four times a night times two, because of course they don’t wake for feeds at the same time (it took me ages to figure out that I should wake the other baby when one woke for a feed!).

Weaning multiples

Then there’s the weaning times two. Do you feed one child first and then move on to the second (risking meltdown of said child) or do you alternate; one spoon for one then one for the other? Or do you do baby-led weaning and pick up bits off the floor continuously and lose track of which child has actually eaten anything?

Potty training multiples

Potty training times two. Train them together or stagger? One way you hopefully get it over and done with quicker but accidents can seem constant. However, staggering means the process could go on for a year!

What else?

There’s double the winding. There are double the explosive newborn poos. There’s that distinctive newborn cry times two (usually at the same time). Oh yes, there’s also the vaccinations where you have to ignore the first screaming child so that the doctor can hurriedly move onto the next one.Same toys or different toys? Either way they’ll certainly end up fighting over ONE toy even if the other twin has an identical one!

Multiples Illuminated

Megan Woolsey and Alison Lee, both parents of multiple and authors of Multiples Illuminated, know all about the above!

Their books are a collection of stories and advice about life with twins or more. The first book covers newborns to age two. I read it when we were passed that stage and it was an entertaining reminisce. I found myself both smiling and clenching teeth about life with newborn multiple babies and young toddlers.

When I was asked to review their second book: Multiples Illuminated: Life with Twins and Triplets, the Toddler to Tween Years I was eager to start reading about what I might expect during the next stage/s. I felt a mixture of excitement and apprehension!

Multiples Illuminated – Life with Twins and Triplets, the Toddler to Tween Years

Like the first, the book highlights the unique challenges and joys of multiples. The authors and contributors know that multiples are a completely different kettle of fish and show the complexities and amazingness of the multiple dynamic. Whilst there is quite a lot of literature about newborn and toddler multiples, there isn’t much information for parents of Tween multiples. This book definitely bridges that gap looking at the Tween Years (8-12) and the social and emotional challenges of this stage as well as the ‘Toddler Years’ and the ‘Middle Years.’

Collective wisdom

“It never gets easier. Every phase is difficult, but the difficulty in raising multiples just evolves as the years progress,” says one contributor about passing the newborn and toddler stage: There’s no sugar coating, but at the same time there’s so much positivity in the book.

I was really interested in the anecdotes about ‘separation anxiety’ and whether to split twins up at school. I put my twins in different classes for many reasons and feel my choice has really benefitted them. There are also some cons, which I write about here: should twins be separated at school.

The book highlights that there is no “one-size fits all” and no right or wrong on this issue or any number of others relating to raising multiples.

There’s discussion about the first birthday party/play date where only one is invited. This was something that started off as a very major thing for us, but we progressed. My twins are now a lot more accepting when this happens. There are stories of the interpersonal relationships: competing, fighting and talking over each other but also the love, protectiveness and solidarity.

Along with poems, funny tales of poo incidents and teatime squabbling, there are some really poignant and serious topics covered.

I particularly liked the six tips to help encourage individuality for tween multiples and the helpful tips for surviving and thriving during the toddler to teen years. I read with a lot of interest the stories about the often complicated relationship between multiples and other siblings.

The book really shows what life is like raising twins and triplets and shares really enlightening stories.

I’ll sign off with a quote from another contributor – Andrea Lani: “Twins can teach us much about caring for and relying on each other while maintaining our own uniqueness.”

~~~~~

You might like some of these posts:

Having Twins After Baby Number One

Twins: 14 Tips for Parents who are Expecting Multiples

16 Things You Are Likely to Hear When You Have Twins

Potty Training Twins: Excuse #18 for Delaying

The post Multiples Illuminated: Life with Twins & Triplets appeared first on The Parent Social.

Join The Twins Trust 

The Twins Trust (formerly TAMBA) provides a tonne of help and support for those expecting multiples and then for after the babies are born. We attended one of their courses before our twins arrived and it was invaluable. The £2.25 a month membership also gets you a monthly magazine and discounts at leading retailers such as Clarks, MAM, Start-rite and JoJo Maman Bebe. I’ve saved loads over the years

Stock up on basic clothes

Buy lots of vests aka bodysuits and basic sleep suits. I’m not saying don’t have anything for ‘best’ (I loved having beautiful, pretty sleep suits) but with twins there’s obviously double the chance of an outfit needing to be changed due to an explosive poo or massive possetting session. It pays to have plenty of easy-opening, non-fiddly garments on hand. Sainsbury’s stock plenty of affordable short-sleeved bodysuits

Invest in a roomy changing bag

It doesn’t have to be a mega expensive one, just one that has enough space for double the amount of baby stuff. It needs to have a few sections/pockets for separating feeding and changing paraphernalia, and for storing changes of clothes. However, I’d recommend not going for something with too many hidey holes otherwise you just spend your entire time searching for things (like I do in my handbag). A rucksack is a good alternative. Boots currently has a huge selection of changing bags starting at £14.99.

Changing tables

You don’t have to double up on everything when you have twins, but if you live in a property with two floors I can’t recommend enough having two changing tables. It saves you having to cart two babies up and down the stairs every time one of them needs changing. Check out sites such as Preloved UK or Gumtree to get good deals

Bulk buy nappies

Newborns have an average of 6-10 nappy changes a day, so there’s the potential for needing 20 nappies a day with twins. BumDeal is a great nappy price comparison website. It is updated very regularly with all the latest deals. When mine were older I bought Mega packs from Boots with 86 nappies in. They were pretty good on price and I got my Advantage points. Boots has a deal on right now: Nappies

Baby bath seat 

I invested in two baby bath supports. They just stick (very securely) with suckers into the normal bath. They were brilliant. It meant that I could have both, fully supported, in the bath at the same time. It also meant that I didn’t have to find a home for a big baby bath. This exact version can often be found on Preloved.

Just the one cot

I had my twins in Moses baskets to begin with and then when they outgrew those they shared a cot bed. They obviously got too big to share in the end, but it helped to spread the cost.

Second hand

This goes for anyone expecting, but even more so with twins: buy second hand to save money. Mum2Mum markets, NCT Nearly New Sales and the likes of Gumtree and Preloved UK can be treasure troves. There are also lots of great local selling sites for childrens’ things on Facebook. Similarly sell stuff when you’re done with it. I do this a lot. Read more about this here

Lower expectations 

You have to be realistic and a lot more flexible with twins as opposed to a singleton. Having felt that for baby number one I did things to the best of my abilities, I struggled a little when I was no longer able to do everything ‘perfectly’ with three. It’s not the end of the world if they have to wait a few minutes for a feed, you don’t have to rush over as soon as there’s a whimper, they can have a sleep en route to somewhere so that you can leave when you need to, there will be times when both babies are crying at the same time and you can only comfort one. That’s ok. You can attend to the other in a few minutes, they won’t hate you forever. In fact I think it’s actually quite good if they don’t get your attention straight away all of the time and that they too have to adapt a little

Feeding

If you’re breastfeeding I’d recommend tandem feeding (if you can). It was so much quicker to breastfeed the girls together. It wasn’t practical when out and about (no amount of muslins make tandem breastfeeding discreet), but whenever I could I did. I used the ‘rugby ball hold.’ Katherine Rosman has a very detailed guide about lots of breast feeding positions and methods. I found a breast feeding pillow (as in the above pic) very helpful, but you could just use cushions.

Try on a bottle asap (if you’re breastfeeding)

This is a very personal choice but from my experience, I’d recommend trying them on a bottle within a few days of being born. Health Visitors recommend waiting six weeks before trying a breastfed baby on a bottle to avoid confusion. However, I tried all three of mine a few days in on a bottle and there was no problem. Many of my friends that waited six weeks couldn’t get their babies to take a bottle. Having the option of a bottle really provides some flexibility as someone else can help out from time-to-time (and shock, horror, you might be able to go out). My husband bottle fed them my expressed milk for one night feed every night, a few weeks in, which really helped. Quite a few months later we switched the one bottle feed of the day to formula. Read: Breastfeeding a bottle fed baby

Invest in a good breast pump

If you plan to express, get a good pump. I had a hand pump for my first baby and soon changed to electric as it was really making my wrists ache and was very laborious and time-consuming. The electric pump was much better at extracting milk fast and efficiently. With twins, I upgraded to a double pump. If I had to do it again for a single baby I’d also get a double pump (certainly not essential for a single baby though). I personally found Medela to be better than Avent. I’d also recommend investing in a breast feeding bustier so that you can pump ‘hands free’!

When one baby wakes for a feed, wake the other 

Despite the fact that I was tandem feeding wherever possible, it took me 10 weeks of a ridiculous number of nighttime feeds to figure this one out: when one baby wakes up and starts crying for a feed, wake the other one up and feed them at the same time

First park walk at 4 days old (I’m 5ft so it’s quite a compact pram)

Research the buggy/pram/travel system

These things really don’t come cheap, so it really is worth doing the research. Think about the size of your front door. Would a side-by-side fit through easily? Are you going to be walking nearly all of the time or are you frequently going to need to fold/dismantle the thing to sling in the back of the car? Would it fit comfortably in the boot? Are you going to be mainly pounding the pavements of the urban jungle or will you be going ‘off road’ quite a bit? All of these things need to be considered and will ultimately influence what you buy.

I had the iCandy Peach Blossom and absolutely loved it. It was hugely expensive but had the seats and the carry cots (which I sold when outgrown), was really versatile, easy to push, didn’t look like a monster and completely fit in with all of my requirements. It was also compatible with the car seats making life that bit easier. The system lasted them ages and I was still able to sell it for a good price when I was done.

Oh, and you might want to prepare yourself… 16 Things You’re Likely to Hear When You Have Twins.

The post Twins: 14 Tips for Parents who are Expecting Multiples appeared first on The Parent Social.

These are some of the most common (well-meaning!?!) responses you are likely to get if you have two (or more) …

You’ve got your hands full!

• Two for the price of one!

• You’ve got your hands full (especially if you have another child)

• Are they natural? No they are made out of plastic!?  

• Buy one, get one free! (yes, indeed BOGOF) 

• Just wait until they’re both walking – Why what’s going to happen? 

• Double trouble! Sometimes followed up with, “but double the joy”

• I bet they keep you busy – you wouldn’t believe. Let me tell you about it…  

• Just wait until they’re both teenagers

• Do you feed them yourself?

Getting ready for a feed. Yes, I did feed them myself…

• Just wait until they’re both (insert any milestone you wish)

• Double the work, but double the joy

• Are they good?  – no they tag team so that they compound my sleep deprivation

• Ooo, I don’t know how you manage – you just have to! 

• Multiple mums are special (!?)

• I always wanted twins – It is amazing just how many people say this. Always amusing to ask if they’d like one 

• Are they identical? What these twins that look nothing alike? These twins where one is a boy and the other is a girl? Are they identical!?

I would love to hear of any of your top ones. Please comment below.

More reading on multiples

Should twins be separated at school? 

Multiples Illuminated: Life with Twins & Triplets

14 top tips for parents expecting multiples

Having twins after baby number one 

The post 16 Things You Are Likely to Hear When You Have Twins appeared first on The Parent Social.

Loving the new dressing up outfits

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If you already have a child, you certainly have the benefit of experience and have more confidence in your parenting abilities. However, the leap from one to three is pretty huge and juggling the demands of a toddler (who can have a tantrum at the drop of a hat and who probably wants entertaining most waking hours) with having not one, but two newborns can be quite challenging.

Twins after baby number one

When the twins came along my eldest daughter (Sofia) was two-and-a-half. It turned out that she dictated a very big part of our schedule, not the newborns. That’s not what I’d expected!

You have to be realistic and a lot more flexible with twins as opposed to a singleton, and with an older sibling on the scene as well, you’re not going to be able to please all of the children all of the time. You’re not always going to be able to do things perfectly.

Having felt that for baby number one I did things to the best standard possible, I struggled a little when I was no longer able to do everything ‘perfectly’ with three. I had to get over that otherwise I’d have gone insane.

There were times when Sofia was a bit bored as I fed one or both twins for the umpteenth time that day or sat hooked up to the breast pump. I didn’t like letting Sofia watch too much TV, but sometimes needs must. I had to learn not to beat myself up about it. Sofia loved her TV time, but we’d always make sure we did something that was specifically for her multiple times a week.

We’d go out to Childrens’ Centres, parks, play dates etc even if the twins hadn’t had their feed or the sleep they needed. I’d feed them when we got there or they could have a sleep en route. I’d have never done this with Sofia; I danced to the beat of her drum. If it was time for her nap we’d leave somewhere a bit early, if she needed a feed we’d leave the house a bit late, if I thought she was a little under the weather we would cancel plans.

Being adaptable with twins

We all had to be adaptable and the twins had to fit in, wherever possible, with the routine we already had. It would have been unfair to expect Sofia to have to cope with everything changing. Far from being detrimental, I think not pandering to the twins’ every whim was actually very good for them and keeping things as similar as possible for Sofia meant that we kept the dreaded green-eyed monster at bay.

It is hard work, but it is fantastic having twins with an older sibling and I was far more relaxed and confident second time around.

Sofia absolutely loves having two little sisters, she knows it’s something special and she continues to receive a lot of attention and fuss because of it. So do I for that matter. If I’d had a pound for every time someone exclaimed: ‘you’ve got your hands full,’ I’d be very rich!

It is amazing to see them all interact. The twins obviously have a special bond, but they really look up to their older sister and as the age gap is relatively small between them and Sofia, they are all natural playmates, which is wonderful. I feel amazingly proud when we are all seen out together.

It’s also been very good for my self-esteem: I’ve survived having a toddler and newborn twins and everyone is always very quick to congratulate me  

Go to: https://twinstrust.org/ for more information about having twins and multiples.

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I went up to Derby from Surrey to see him at the weekend, leaving my husband Matt looking after Sofia (aged 4) and the twins (18 months). It was great that I had no qualms about leaving them in his sole care and that he was confident looking after them without drafting in extra help. It was also good that I didn’t have lots of upset children making my departure for something unpleasant much harder. Actually, perhaps everyone coped a little too well…

Supermarket trip with dad.

NICU and SCBU

When I saw my granddad at the hospital looking so vulnerable with tubes everywhere and machines bleeping I couldn’t help but think about how lucky I was that my twins didn’t have to spend any time in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU) or even in the Special Care Baby Unit (SCBU), especially when the NHS reports that just under half of all mothers of twins saw at least one of their babies spend time in neonatal care.

When I was around 30 weeks pregnant, it was recommended that we had a tour of both facilities at St. Thomas’ so that we could prepare and familiarise ourselves with them should either or both twins need special care. This is a great idea and I would urge other parents-to-be of multiples to do the same. It didn’t quash my fears, but I did have a better understanding of how everything operated, and this would have been beneficial if the situation had arisen.

I know I would not have coped well and I can’t imagine how parents with babies in the units do manage to hold it together.  With my granddad I was on high alert with every twitch on the monitors. I don’t know how I’d deal with it for an extended period for my own child. I certainly counted my lucky stars that I hadn’t had to find out.

It’s very early days, but my granddad does appear to be showing some promising signs. Meanwhile, the children seemed to love their time with dad, and even managed to fit in a visit to ExCeL as Matt had to show his face at a work conference. Three children at a stock market investing show and a three-hour roundtrip; that’s no mean feat!

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